Thursday, November 21, 2013

Solving the Grandfather Paradox

Eddie Andrews: It's because it all comes down to a binary choice.

Frank Parker: That doesn't fix the paradox

EA: It does, though. Have you beaten Bioshock Infinite?

FP: Nope!

EA: Then that example won't work.

FP: I'll play it eventually

EA: Okay, you have two people that decide to have a kid. That right there is the binary choice: You are either born, or you aren't. In the even you are born, you go back and kill your parents. So now, if they decide to have a kid, that kid ends up killing them before they have a kid. So the only choice left is to not have a kid. It's the only way the parents will still exist.

FP: So it's impossible to cause a time paradox if you don't exist in the first place

EA: Kind of...? It's impossible to cause a paradox, because all events come down to a binary choice. All the paradox does is prevent one of those choices from happening. It eliminates the choice.

FP: So in the event two people will have a kid that would cause a time paradox, it is inherently corrected by them never having a kid?

EA: Correct. Because if they have a kid, then the parents would already have been dead. The fact they can make the decision means they won't have a kid.

FP: But I exist, and given the ability to travel back in time I have the physical ability to kill my parents

EA: At which point you would no longer exist. Because if you did, you won't exist. :P

FP: But I exist now

EA: You're thinking linearly.

FP: For me to exist now, I must never go back in time and kill my parents, which means that part of my future is already determined

EA: In one sense, yes. But also, the instance of you that would initiate the paradox would still have their own past. It would just be irrelevant. From any other perspective, you wouldn't have ever existed. From your own, though, you'd still have your own past. These are still things you would've done. The fact that you are present in my past, though, negates that.

FP: hmmm

EA: So no, you won't go back and kill your parents. :P

FP: Don't tempt me

EA: Good luck?

FP: I suppose time travel would be the first piece to conquer

EA: Which won't happen in your lifetime. Cause I remember you.

FP: It doesn't need to XD

EA: Therefore, you can't go back and erase yourself. QED.

FP: As long as it happens in someone's lifetime

EA: But the technology will never reach YOUR lifetime. Either that, or you're too chickenshit to go through with it. :P SO I'LL TEMPT YOU ALL I WANT.

FP: FINE. I'm decently positive you won't be traveling through time either

EA: HOW DO YOU KNOOOWWW. I never wanted to erase myself.

FP: Suuure

EA: I'd probably just erase you. And you'd still remember. Up until the point I go back. Cause they're still your memories. And I would remember, cause I'm the one doing it. :P

FP: That's about it though

EA: That only holds true if this conversation only happened due to a tampering with a past event, though. Cause I would need to be the first iteration of myself with this idea.

FP: And the chances of that are..?

EA: Either 0% or 100%. So 50%.

FP: Yay binary choices

EA: Yup. xD I kinda wanna post this conversation somewhere again.

FP: Do it. I don't know where somewhere is though

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Your reality is not mine.

I do not live in your reality. I live in the minds of my inner demons, and even as they threaten to dredge up the past and tear my life apart, they are nothing more than my own personal puppets, twisting and distorting myself into a darker, and yet, more satisfying, self image.

It allows me to watch as my insecurities and pains creep up and over myself, engulfing me. I get to watch myself emerge. And I get to see who comes out the other side. It grants me two views: One is staring out the window of my physical self, while the other is the man behind the curtain.

It is all a game to me. I can immerse myself in agony, watching as another "me" combats it, and it is so satisfying to see how I fare against it. I don't think it would be fair to say if the man on the other side is "better" or "worse," he is simply different. Good or bad has no bearing, because that man is still alive, and because of it, he is wiser, stronger, and can accomplish more than before.

This makes things interesting, though, because the "physical" me never feels like the "real" me. He is nothing more than a social and mental experiment; an exercise in things that should not be tampered with. The only difference between myself and others is that we are on opposite sides of this window of a man.

The real me, the true me, is every insecurity I've ever had, every pain I've ever felt, every love I've ever lost. This is the corporeal self image I have, and it is who I am. I am my every waking moment, filled with all the pains of a lifetime, and for my own enjoyment, I release some of them upon my physical self, just to see what happens.

This does not mean I am a negative person, but quite the opposite. Because the image that I identify as my real self is an avatar of pure pain, it means I am aware of pure pain. When your dog dies, as sad as it is, you know his memory will live on, and you know you'll be okay. When your friend gets in an accident and is in critical care, you know that he is still alive, and that he can still recover. With every pain we feel, there is a silver lining. There is something we can reach out towards. And we always do, even when we don't notice it.

This is not true pain.

True pain is ultimate loss. It is the deconstruction of our identity to a dark and horrible image that we want to kill. It is the erasure of everything we cared about in ourselves. It breaks us down until the only thing left is me: The avatar of pain.

So when the physical me is in pain, it is infinitely better than what I know I can do to myself on a whim. When I am depressed or lonely, I can laugh, simply because I know that I could make it so much worse in a split second if I desired. I could turn my whole world to darkness, burn the memories of everyone who loved me, erase my friends from existence, and I'm sad because my manager at work is passive-aggressive towards me? It's so laughable.

This allows me to live in a perpetual state of happiness, simply because compared to true pain, anything else is so childishly trivial. It's similar to the idea that you will not know true happiness until you experience true loss, only much more entertaining, because with this "true loss," it is still seen as a bad thing. But why? Loss is who I am, and I can use that to toy with myself, evoke all kinds of emotions and memories, and then laugh about how petty it all is. When you embrace the negativity to this degree, all it is is a toy. Nothing more.

So your reality is not mine. Mine is the darkness of humanity, the horrors that we try to erase, ignore, forget. Don't forget them. Embrace them, love them, and remember that they are who you really are. Do this, and life will never seem dark again.