When suffering through intense or prolonged (Or, in
very unfortunate cases, both) bouts of depression, we find ourselves
re-evaluating our definition of happiness to match our current situation,
rather than changing our current situation to match our definition of
happiness. In doing so, a life, previously seen as one of hardships and
struggles, becomes the norm. It changes from “This is the worst possible life
ever” to “This is what life is like.” Eventually, we become content with the
pains we are forced to endure, and amid them, we find premature happiness.
This is wrong.
Every time we rethink
life, every time we stop fighting for what we desire and simply decide that “I
can be happy with this,” we are cheating ourselves out of more and more levels
of true bliss. If we take, for example, the pursuit of true love (known as a
very commonplace dream to achieve pure happiness), we have very high standards
for being content with life. As we all know, true love is not a common occurrence.
Many people go their whole lives looking for it, only to find, at best, lust.
True love is so incredibly elusive, yet we pursue it. Why? Because we know, or
at least acknowledge the fact that we have no idea, how happy it can make us.
Starting here, we set our standards of happiness in the clouds.
Then, something happens.
We catch a glimpse of love, only to be rejected, betrayed, cheated, used,
beaten. In the less extreme of cases, we become content that we at least caught
that single glimpse. Already, without acknowledging any dizzying depths of
depression, we have dropped our standards far lower than they were previously.
In a worst case scenario, we give up on love. We stop pursuing our original
concept of happiness, and replace it with a completely and entirely new one.
This is all fine and
good, but our new standards for happiness will not be as pure. In this example,
it can change to money, sex, fame. The words alone paint a more self-centered,
apathetic, greedy image. Not only that, but the joys from these new goals will
be fleeting, not lasting as long, or as powerfully, as the original desire.
The only way we are
actually content with these lower standards is because we convince ourselves
that nothing has changed, that nothing is different about life, that we are
simply less naïve than before. We lie to ourselves until we no longer believe
the truth. Some of what we tell ourselves could indeed be correct, but very
pessimistic. Yes, it is true that it is naïve to think that there is no sorrow in
the world. To think that there is only happiness and rainbows and butterflies
and everything’s perfect is just foolish. However, to think that a depression
earlier in life has made you wiser now is simply stupid. It is one thing to
know the other extreme exists; it is quite another to think that you will never
end up there.
So, where we are now is
somewhere underneath where we started. We are still happy, but only because we
convince ourselves that we were foolish beforehand, that this is the way life
really is, and so on and so forth. We have not only lied to ourselves, but we
have forgotten our dreams as well. Our new standard of happiness could be to
simply “make it” in this world.
We are living a lie.
We end up in a very
steep, downward spiral. We only believe our own lies. If our lies are exposed
(which is stupendously easy to do, as they are lies), we doubt ourselves, and
rightfully so. But this leads us to question what the truths are, and, since we
have previously disregarded the truths as products of a childish and
over-zealous mind, we will never think to look back in that direction for our
true lives.
Without our lies to
protect us, and arrogantly discarding the truth, we pursue something we cannot
find, inevitably leading us deeper into depression. We re-evaluate our
definition of happiness, time and time again, until there is essentially no
reward for achieving our latest “goal.” Life becomes monotone, colorless, fake.
So all we need to do is
realize that we were correct in the beginning, right?
The problem with that is
that by time we realize such a thing, we have already fallen too far, and
seeing the truth impossibly far away will plunge us farther into depression
than our shattered lies ever could. Because we are so far gone already, we are
likely pessimistic about the entire scenario (or simply “realistic,” as we tell
ourselves), and so we dwell in our own misery of a wasted life, with no hope of
getting back what was lost.
The solution? Stay
optimistic.
As long as you can
maintain a positive outlook on things, you will never sink so low that
depression and pessimism overwhelm you. Stay focused on what truly makes you
happy, and, although things may be clouded from time to time, you will always
be able to get back on top. Even if you have fallen to an almost monotone
level, a burst of insight can save you. With an optimistic mind and a good deal
of willpower, you will be able to save yourself. Many people call this an
“epiphany.”
Optimism stops you from
falling. Focus brings you back up when you do fall. Keep this in mind, and you
may not have to experience this spiral. Or, more likely, you’re currently in
one, but you refuse to admit it. “I’m happy,” you tell yourself. You’ll keep
telling yourself that until you realize that, at one point in your life, you
had more. You’ll repeat the lie to yourself until you decide that you want more
out of life.
So go get it.
To those who think this
does not target you: This targets you. You won’t believe that it does until you
doubt your own happiness, which, you are likely afraid to do. “What a load of
crap,” you’ll think. To that, I have no response. I can’t convince you. That’s
up to you. Such is the nature of the spiral.
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